I'm Scared.

Currently Listening:
Amsterdam
A Rush Of Blood To The Head
Coldplay

Basically I'm really scared right now.
I'm in such a helpless state.
I can't walk normal. I can't laugh. I can't even put pants on by myself.
And to top it off I'm hooked up to more wires than a power plant.
Am I really this fragile? Is life really this short? Just a few days ago I was laughing and dancing with some friends. I'm such a indepentant person who thinks I can get through so much on my own.
I rely so much on my own strength and thought.
Now I'm stuck to a chair and a bed smelling HORRID. With a pump sown from a white box into my chest. Keeping air from collapsing my lungs.
I'm so broken and scared right now......

Luckily I've recovered fast and I'm about to find out if the tube which was turned off this morning comes out or goes back on....

But really, I still seriously can't believe this is happening. I hate being in this position. It makes me cry.
It's so humbling and so good for me though.
Seriously I've learned such a big lesson through this and God's really taught me to lean on Him.
And to let others help.

That doesn't mean I'm not scared though. I have to many fobias of hospitals.
I hate them so much. They're just to much to handle for me. To much death to much fear to many needles and machines that bring you a false sense of life and hope. I don't think any of you understand how much I mean this phrase.

I just wanna go home....

Stood on the edge, tied to the noose
But you came along and you cut me loose.